Do you feel angry, do you need to manage stress, as if someone owes you a happier life? If you’ve been stuck in a grudge against someone, are you tired of living life that way? Here are some words of encouragement that can help you let go of the grudge that is keeping you stuck. By following a simple process, you can renew your life once again. First, it all starts with identifying …

Step one:

How do you really feel for the person with whom you feel the need to hold a grudge? Once you identify the details that you really feel, write them down on paper.

For example, suppose you and your sister are involved in a grudge fight. Your mother is ninety years old. Tammy (your fifty-year-old sister) keeps lying to her and getting her money.

In this scenario, you would write down your feelings about the situation. Remember, you can only change the way you react to the situation instead of changing the behavior of others in the environment. You could write something like, “I feel a grudge against Tammy because she continues to take advantage of Mom’s generous nature. It also makes me angry that Tammy rejects my objections about manipulating and using Mom for her selfish purposes.”

Second step:

Now that you have specifically put your feelings on paper, are you willing to to think different to feel differently? If so, you are getting better. How do you get self-esteem? Thinking differently about yourself and your abilities. That can quickly lead to you feeling in control again. Would you like to feel calm and in control?

Seeing the situation differently can make you feel better. To feel better, change your current thoughts to different ones.

Again, as in the first step, write down the new thoughts. You can add humor, as appropriate, or any other positive mindset. Adding forgiveness to the other person can also be very beneficial. This is for your benefit, not for other people.

If you need a few different thought ideas to think about in this scenario, use any of the following:

Possible new thoughts:

“Holding a grudge only hurts me. What can I think of right now to see the situation differently and feel at peace?”

“What could I think or do that helps Mom manage her finances better? Hey, I could just ask Mom to let me handle her finances. I wonder if that’s an option.”

“Who could help me see things from a different point of view? After all, I accept that I might meet other people who are more experienced in this than I am. What trusted expert could I consult to help resolve this situation? “

Step three:

Relax your mind. Look at yourself as if you have already peacefully resolved the situation in a way that feels peaceful. Look at the details of doing that and incorporate them into a simple plan that will actually apply to the situation. By focusing on what you can do to improve the environment, you will have put the grudge behind you.