“My friend isn’t perfect, and neither am I, and that’s why we follow each other admirably.” ~ Alexander Pope

My friend is certainly not one I ever tolerated (when I was young). For many years I knew people who were too mean, too pretty, too conceited, too deceitful, too conceited, and too holy. Of course, they were never my real friends. But I was young, naive, simple, innocent and gullible. Wisdom, good judgment, common sense, and insight have come with age; Well, I like to think so.

As a child I never had a best friend; in reality, he had no friends. I was extremely shy, and always terribly conscious of my appearance. See, I was taller than my peers (including the kids) and as skinny as a broomstick. He was athletic and enjoyed spending time outdoors. But more than that, I loved reading, studying, and just being introspective; always absorbed in something that he considered very important. I think I now have to admit that there were times when I felt alone; maybe not so much lonely as feeling lonely.

I was born and for seventeen years lived in the rural South. After leaving the South as a teenager, he had a thick southern accent. I was mercilessly teased and became even more introverted. I developed a stutter, and this compounded my difficulty conversing with people; there was no distinction in my attempts to converse with men or women.

At some point I became more adept at ‘one on one’ conversations and eventually got over my stutter. So I decided that I would like to have a friend, a ‘real’ friend, someone with whom I could talk about anything and feel comfortable. I wanted a friend I could trust, one who wouldn’t talk about me behind my back, one who was loyal. I soon decided that this was probably asking too much, a really difficult task. But my insightful search began and I found a ‘good friend’. I considered those I sometimes associated with as mere acquaintances, and found most of them to be likable, but not fitting my idea of ​​a ‘friend’.

I was twenty years old when I met my friend, and the friendship lasted about fifteen years. In hindsight, it seems like the breakup happened instantly: suddenly we weren’t friends anymore. Oh, we still talk on the phone from time to time, but not like in the past. The reasons for the separation are many, but I can sum it up by saying that we just drifted apart. We no longer shared common interests; the conversations were trite, monotonous, boring; there were no books in his house (none that could be seen); he had no interest in exercise and gained a lot of weight. She liked to cook, I didn’t. She liked to watch TV, I didn’t. She became sloppy and disorganized; I was a clean freak.

You might wonder why I hadn’t detected those traits soon after we met. Well, I didn’t catch them, and I think the recent flaws (as I describe them) weren’t present; at least, not to a significant degree. She had changed, drastically. This may sound unpleasant, but I felt there was no reason to spend time together and I thought she felt the same way.

I was just as demanding in the choice of boyfriends; Needless to say, some of my relationships didn’t last long. And I take all the blame for breakups. As for just being friends, I have found it difficult to be platonic with men. Invariably, one or the other decides that he must become romantic. Although I know that such relationships are possible, but rare.

Over the years, since the first disbanded, I have cultivated three other extraordinary friendships. And since I admit that I am a senior citizen, that doesn’t sound very normal, does it? I reiterated my previous point that I had, and have, many acquaintances, people with whom I am friends. But throughout my life, to date, there have only been four ‘special friendships’.

Yes, I have many flaws, and those special friends have many; that is to be expected. But there’s no denying that I set very high standards, the same standards I have for myself. Below are the criteria that I consider adequate to be a “true” friend.

1. An immediate feeling that there is a connection is a good sign, but not always. Be observant and perceptive.

2. Always give more to friendship than you take away. (I won’t give more details)

3. Never criticize your friend unless you can include something positive in your comments.

4. Never say “you look great” if he/she doesn’t.

5. Never go shopping with your friend unless you’re prepared to stay at the mall all day without complaining.

6. Never be too friendly with your friend’s spouse or boyfriend.

7. Do everything possible to maintain harmony between your spouse and your friend.

8. Never, ever be disloyal. It’s not loyalty if you badmouth someone about your friend.

9. Never stop communicating, even if you’re angry. It’s not necessary to have a nice conversation if you’re angry, angry, angry, but say something. And do not repeat old offenses.

10. Praise your friend’s children (if possible). And maybe babysit once in a while.

11. Never try to split your lunch or dinner bill right down the middle.

12. Always admit when you’re wrong.

13. Try to be honest, truthful, understanding and emotionally supportive.

14. When you spend time together, do fun things, even silly things.

15. Lend your friend money, if he really needs it; And if you have it to lend.

I recognize that everyone is different and I accept that. But my thing is to write, and what I have written about friendship is something that I have wanted to say out loud, and put on paper. And I ask you not to pity me for having so few friends; I manage fine.