‘Wow! You are amazing. I couldn’t have done what you’ve done. You have done an amazing job! How fantastic! How do you react to someone’s effusive praise? Do you shrug, barely noticing what they’ve said, unable to believe what they see in you, suspect they’re just being nice, or do you smile, enjoy the moment, and say a comfortable “thank you”?

While a certain amount of humility is fine and prevents us from becoming overconfident, it’s also important to be able to acknowledge our strengths, abilities, and expertise in specific areas. It is good to allow others to appreciate us and also to accept that some of the things we approach with relative comfort and ease can be scary and overwhelming for others.

There are often things about ourselves that we don’t even think about or qualify. Our natural aptitudes in areas where we are particularly good, which we take for granted in an almost disdainful way. ‘Anyone can do that, it’s nothing’, we can say.

That mindset may have been reinforced by family members, teachers, religious mentors, who felt strongly that humility should be encouraged and not accepted praise or recognition. Modesty and self-loathing were considered admirable traits and anything else was considered vain, arrogant, conceited, and unattractive.

Consequently, we may have learned to hold back and not be too strong in our views, choosing to avoid any healthy discussion and debate, not wanting to draw too much attention to ourselves. With comments like ‘people like us’, ‘who we think we are’, ringing in our ears, how could we have such views, be so confident, dare to stand up for what we think or believe? When others are automatically seen as better, brighter, smarter, more worthy, and more entitled, we are more inclined to stay where we are and be grateful for what we have.

We may even have learned to modify our beliefs, dress up meaning and opinions, tone down anything that might have been construed as loud or exaggerated for fear of rejection or ridicule, afraid of attracting any criticism. This apprehension may even have manifested as uncertainty and impacted our normal friendliness and exuberance, as we are hesitant to appear brash or over the top.

But even if some of our abilities have been acquired with apparent ease, that does not diminish them. Someone who is good with numbers, a natural housewife, a great organizer, or has a natural way with people has talents that many others would envy and be happy to master.

Others may look at us and see the end result, the calm ability to cope, the person who solves problems, while delivering a good result. And yet, as much as they admire our abilities and skills, we are only able to see ourselves as simply surviving and worthy of such recognition.

– In a work settingColleagues may see us as a coach or supervisor, someone who has mastered a certain set of skills, always happy to train others to good levels of proficiency and mastery. While we may be indifferent to our skill level, we may be seen as experts in our field and highly regarded as such. We can dismiss such respect, we’ve been doing this for a long time, but it’s still a level of expertise that takes hard work to maintain. Appreciate the appreciation!

– Socially We may admire others who are richer, more attractive, or more worldly, but while we do so, they may be looking at our valuable features and find them attractive and compelling. They may love our values, covet our simpler lifestyle, our sense of humor, intelligence, and companionship. They see us through their lens, untainted by our doubts and insecurities.

– What if someone in the family is an academic?, on his way to becoming a rising star, and you’re not! Do you see yourself as a failure, less accomplished because you don’t go to college or pursue a career? But others may genuinely envy you for your sporting prowess, your artistic abilities, your laid-back approach to life, and your natural style in areas where you have no special talents. There is a need for the full range of skills, and each has its place in a whole society.

Accepting positive praise, feedback and attention can be difficult as we wonder if it is genuine and sincere. Can we really believe that people think so flatteringly of us, that they say such amazing things about us? Yes, self-deprecation in small doses is fine, even attractive at times. But it’s also attractive to learn to be confident and comfortable with praise, recognition, and positive feedback. A smile when we say ‘thank you’ is often all that is required.