Long distance relationships can be complex and usually take time, effort, and practice to get right. A question that many people have is what does a healthy one look like? Not literally, of course, but if you’ve ever wondered what should happen in a strong remote connection, you’re not alone.

Keep in mind that everyone is different.

Just as you and your partner are different from your friends and family, your relationship will also be different. A big mistake a lot of people make is looking at someone else’s bond (sometimes from a romantic movie or worse, a soap opera) and thinking that this is how all romantic relationships should and should be. This is of course not so! Variety is the spice of life, so don’t think your connection has to be seen a certain way.

Second, take inventory of your relationship.

If you feel happy, fulfilled, and complete, then your connection is likely to be working and healthy! Therefore, a healthy relationship should look like yours! And if you have friends who are in full and warm love at a distance, then healthy relationships should look like theirs! They will all look different, but the defining characteristics are happiness and fulfillment!

Next, look at the common positives in other long-distance relationships.

I know a woman who was in a long distance relationship with her husband until they met to get married. They knew each other briefly in passing, but most of their relationship was built through letters and, later, very expensive phone calls! When I asked him how his experience was, he said it was great because “We loved each other. I knew he cared about me and wanted me to be happy and was willing to sacrifice to make that happen. I was the same with him, and even though we were apart We both knew how much we cared about each other.”

So, just as you would in a normal setting, the same variables will determine how healthy your relationship is. Do they care about each other? Are you both willing to sacrifice? Do you put the other person’s happiness and well-being above your own? If you’re accomplishing these things, chances are you have a strong connection. Who knows, maybe in the future, you will be the person others in a long distance relationship look to to determine if your bond is healthy!

But, as always, don’t get mad if yours isn’t perfect right away. People often fall short of our expectations, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world (or the end of your friendship). More important than the disappointments is the question of whether your partner is willing to try to improve. If so, you are likely on the path to a healthy long-distance relationship.