In my family law practice, one of the most common things I hear over and over again from clients who have just had the law explained to them is, “I wish I had known that a long time ago!” Or, “If only I had known that before (whatever) happened.”

People who enter into any form of long-term relationship, whether married, common-law, or simply living together, are often unaware that their relationship with each other and with third parties, such as creditors or government agencies, is defined and governed by rules. . of the law, often in ways they did not expect or would not have accepted had they known. They are not aware of what can happen when events impose these rules.

Another surprise is that new laws can appear at any time and change your legal relationship in significant ways without your knowing or agreeing to it. And that’s nothing compared to what can happen when you move to another state. Rights and duties that you may or may not have been aware of will suddenly become completely different. The law books are full of cases of unhappy people who discovered after the fact that things were not as they had thought or wanted.

Here are two more things couples need to know. First, couples can make written agreements that change the rules of their relationship to suit their own needs and preferences. And second, a relationship agreement can be something positive and constructive that reinforces your commitment to each other and creates a foundation for solving problems that may arise in the future, possibly saving your relationship.

It’s much better if you don’t wait in ignorance for some defining event to come up that forces you to pay attention to the rules. I encourage each couple to know where they stand and learn how and to what extent they can tailor their legal relationship to more closely follow their personal wishes.

Above all, I recommend to every couple that they enter into a basic Marriage Contract and give themselves the invaluable advantages that can be had with just a little effort in doing so.

Your legal relationships have already been defined

If you are in a long term relationship and do not have a executable written agreement, the rules of law define and govern the following important features of your relationship:

• How open and honest you need to be with each other
• Who owns the income earned by either of you during the relationship
• Who can manage money and assets
• Who has debts incurred by either of you before or during the relationship
• Who owns the assets acquired during the relationship
• Who can be covered by health insurance
• Who can authorize medical or mental health treatment
• Who can visit in a hospital or jail
• Who can order care and apply for benefits after disability
• Who inherits if there is no will
• Who is included in the retirement plan
• Who watches over the couple’s wishes after death

You have a choice: accept the rules imposed by law or tailor the terms of your relationship in a written agreement to better meet your needs and preferences. You can learn more at www.nolocouples.com.

Copyright 2005 Ed Sherman