For many estranged wives who want to reconcile, the first thing they can try is to get their husband to want to come home voluntarily. You can try this in several ways. If these attempts don’t work, many will move on to another strategy. An example is trying to make a husband regret leaving. The idea is that if you can make her regret it, she’ll naturally want to come home as a result.

People sometimes ask me what are the best ways to make a husband regret leaving. I strongly believe that some of the obvious or common attempts actually do more harm than good. Although they are tempting, normal, and easy, they will often only make the situation worse. They are what I call ‘low-quality attempts’ because they don’t require a lot of discipline to pull off. Here are some examples:

Trying to shame or blame him into regretting it: Many wives will honestly try to make their husband feel like a selfish person. The wife will say things like, “Well, I hope you’re enjoying your precious space while your kids grieve for you every night and your wife takes care of all the things you left behind.” The irony is that sometimes everything the wife says is completely true. But she still falls on deaf ears because no one wants to believe this guy the truth about themselves. No desire wants to face this harsh reality. So, as a result, the husband could turn even more against the wife, or simply avoid her.

Trying to make him jealous by trying to make him believe that there is (or soon will be) another person: I’ll be the first to admit that this is a slippery slope. Because the fact that I started dating my friends during my own separation really brought me improvements. And my husband may have been concerned that he might see someone while he was away. And yet, I always went straight to the fact that I really had no intention of dating anyone.

In my mind, I was still very married. She would never have acted inappropriately with any man, break up or not. But there’s no denying that this can be an easy strategy to try. The wife will try to fix it so the husband knows that she is fixing herself up, going out on the town and possibly attracting other men. The idea is: ‘if you don’t love me, someone else will’.

Once again, I understand why this is tempting. It’s easy to try and makes you feel like you’re giving it a little taste of its own medicine. But, I don’t think I’m sending an optimal message. I always felt that ultimately I wanted my husband to think the same way I did: that we were still married and therefore both of us needed to remain faithful, even during separation. However, if I tried to hint that other men might be in the picture, then I was doing something I was asking my husband not to do. And this just doesn’t show integrity.

It is true that I went out with friends. And I think my husband did worry about what might happen as a result of that. This may have worked in my favor. But then again, I always insisted that he had no intention of seeing anyone else. And that was the truth. He was still very involved in my marriage.

Now, let’s move on to what I call the high-quality methods. These are more difficult to carry out. They require a high degree of integrity and discipline. But they achieve what you really want. They do it so that your husband wakes up one day and realizes that he was wrong and that he hopes it’s not too late. He willingly wants to return without negative cheating games.

Showing yourself as a woman worthy of his love and respect: I know this is asking a lot. Because I know it’s very easy to get impatient, frustrated, lash out, or try some of those negative tactics I talked about earlier. But if you can slow down, take the high road, and ultimately conduct yourself with dignity and grace, you’ll often be rewarded for it.

Sometimes if you just focus on yourself, act in a way that is not detrimental to your family or your marriage, and continue to be the best version of yourself, then your husband will finally look around and realize that your space is not everything. that he thought it might be, that he misses you, and honestly, you’re not the problem.

At this point, you are likely to feel some remorse. This is not the same as repentance. It’s better than regret. Because, generally speaking, regret is a much more negative emotion. And you have to be careful to force negativity onto him. The reason is that sometimes he will project this negativity onto you and he will think that in order to be happy and avoid the negativity, he also needs to avoid you (and maybe your marriage). Obviously, this is not what you want or need. .