A FEW GOOD MEN was one of the best movies of 1992. In the movie, the line “You can’t stand the truth!” by cabbage Jessep (played by Jack Nicholson), in response to Tom Cruise’s character, Lieutenant Kaffee’s constant probing is often cited in my mind when faced with denial, be it my own or someone else’s. In the search for more truth and reality in life, at some point we have to face our denial. We all deny things. It is a protection and coping mechanism.

“Denial it is a defense mechanism in which a person is confronted with a fact that is too painful to accept and rejects it, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence.” That is the first line you will read when search Google for “denial.” and clicking on the first search found-Wikipedia. Another simple search reveals “Denial is the psychological process by which human beings protect themselves from things that threaten them by blocking knowledge of those things from their consciousness.”[1]

Of the types of denial, probably minimization (an attitude of, “it’s not that bad”) and irresponsibility (blaming others or situations) are the most damaging and it seems that the most common denial (all denial except in duel) is caused by immature thinking; ultimately an immature mind that cannot adequately cope with conflict or reality.

Not wanting to be a hypocrite, and ironically by suggesting this I become one, I am constantly disappointed to find Christian people living in unreality and a sense of denial, you can see it as soon as you meet them. Many have problems that they refuse to acknowledge, much less do anything about. For some, these problems are killing them! Many Christians are not living, and have not lived, the authentic Christian lifestyle that is offered: the “full life” of salvation that Jesus preached in John 10:10. Spiritual people of any religion must be able to live in the truth of reality, largely rejecting its denial, because truth is a spiritual ideal. Another frustration is people who evangelize, but by virtue of their lifestyles and relationships, live in blatant denial. They do so much damage to the Gospel because those to whom it is preached can see everything through it. It is false and abominable.

In the search for truth, there is no room for rampant denial. Spiritual and emotional growth occurs only when we accept who we are and the problems we face. Only then can we begin to correct personal and lifestyle problems.

Living truthfully means living more boldly, which, while it takes a lot of faith and courage to execute, provides a new sense of freedom. What can be lost? Well, it could be humiliating. This is true: there is no gain without a little pain. If you have problems and you’re denying them, others will already know about it anyway, and in a way that’s even more humiliating! The wise choice is to tackle your problems head-on. You will earn the respect of others and the respect for yourself will also be yours.

Perhaps the best way to close this topic is through the words of anna freud In response to a query about what should be the essential personal qualities of a psychoanalyst:

“The answer is comparatively simple. If you want to be a true psychoanalyst, you must have a great love of truth, both scientific truth and personal truth, and you must place this appreciation of truth above any discomfort in an unpleasant encounter” . facts, whether they belong to the outside world or to your own inner person.

I would expand this requirement to anyone who wants real life. You get little in life if you invest little. Make the truth a more important good than your own comfort. Face your denial. Facing reality costs in the short term; the cost is the courage (that you have). In the long run, there are rewards as rich as not succumbing to fear as much and being freer to love, particularly yourself.

© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved worldwide.

[1] Community Alcohol Information Program (CAIP) on “Denial.” The internet link is no longer valid.