It is one of the best kept secrets in the world. I can personally confirm that the phenomenon I am about to describe is almost unknown among Americans. So if you’re reading this in Asia, don’t tell anyone back home…

Guys, if you’re going anywhere in Asia except Hong Kong, you better get a leather jacket as soon as you get off the plane, because it’s the Fonz. Welcome to alpha male status. The first thing you’ll notice are goofy-looking Western men with calculators in their pockets walking arm in arm with Chinese supermodels. These women are brides, not prostitutes. I call it the “Charisma Man Syndrome.” After a couple of weeks, your friends back home will start asking you why you canceled your return flight. A couple of decades later, they’ll still be asking you the same question.

There are various theories as to why this is the case; Let’s explore them one by one:

1. Complex historical, sociological and anthropological reasons.

Give me a break. Actually, this was the subject of at least one PhD thesis, but hey, we’re not in the ivory tower anymore. Do you really think a Chinese woman reflects on the Opium War before deciding whether or not to accept a date request from her British English teacher?

2. They want your money.

It represents reason, right? Most Asian countries are poor and most Western countries are not. What blows this theory up is the fact that, if anything, this phenomenon is even worse in Japan, where (relatively) poverty-stricken English teachers date Japanese role models who earn five times as much as they do.

3. They want a western passport.

Well, marrying a Westerner is indeed the fastest and safest route to obtaining a Western passport. And more than one Westerner has been left crying bitterly in the arrivals hall when his new Asian wife jumped out of the airport ladies’ room window to freedom. But then again, there’s the counterexample of prosperous Japan, where not all local women are seeking Western passports, but still flock to Western men. By the way, since Western women are generally not interested in Asian men and since Western men in Asia are usually busy with Asian women, single Western women living in Asia tend to be lonely. And they are NOT happy about it. “Passport motivation” is his favorite explanation.

4. They want free English classes

Yes, but why do they want to learn English in the first place? So they can talk to western guys? Furthermore, my extensive research has shown that nerdy Western language experts who refuse to speak English in favor of the local language do just as well (if not better) than enthusiastic Asian Greenies fresh from the airport.

5. Having a Western boyfriend is a status symbol in Asia.

Yes, and it’s a status symbol in Spain to have a bullfighter boyfriend. What a lame theory. It raises the question of why having a Western boyfriend became a status symbol in the first place. After all, it’s not a status symbol in Australia to have, say, a Bolivian boyfriend. Ah, Madison Avenue…

6. Western guys are more handsome

Not some of the ones I see. On the other hand, it is true that Asia is the only place in the world where I am told that I look like Brad Pitt; in the United States, I’m more likely to be compared to Pee Wee Herman.

7. The grass is always greener on the other side…

So why don’t women in the United States scratch their eyes over a Chinese boyfriend?

8. Asian men are somehow inadequate

As a man, I wouldn’t know about this. But I would love to hear from any woman interested in this topic.

My next article will be titled, “Why Western Women In China Hate Western Men And What You Can Do To Make It Worse.”