Deciding whether or not to have a second child can be agonizing. Two
children is the norm. However, more and more couples are staying with one.
How can you determine what is best for you?

Here are some tips for making one of life’s most important decisions:

* Consult your partner. Your spouse’s insights can help with
your own thought process. It is also important to understand each other
concerns. Listening to my husband’s fear that another son would stress our
marriage, I kept date night on the agenda after our second baby arrived.

* Don’t rush. Having children with a difference of three years or less in
age is difficult for parents from the beginning. If you just had your first and you’re not
Running the biological clock, take a breath. some of the happy
parents have children who are widely spaced.

* Weight the sibling factor. Providing a sibling for your firstborn is
is not a good enough reason to have another baby. Not all siblings get
throughout, and singletons do well. You need to want to raise another child. Yew
want a playmate, set up a play date.

*Visualize life with two. With a son you can hold on to your
Adulthood Two places you firmly in the world of children. Expect dinners at the
pizzeria, not the bistro. Prepare to double your sick days, but also
Double the fun, especially as your kids get older and play together.

* Visualize life with one. You spend a lot of time together with a
only son. You are also the default entertainment. Count on enjoying a
close, special relationship, and playing Candyland a lot.

*Think about the future. Okay, so you want another baby. but you want
another teenager? Or are you just trying to preserve the baby stage of
parenthood, what happens no matter how many children you have?

* Consider your resources. The second child can stress you out
financially, emotionally and physically. But you will also grow to meet the
challenges and realize how much you learned the first time.

*Rephrase the question. How would you feel knowing that
Couldn’t you have another child? Sad? Relieved? listen to your first
reaction to this question.

*Make a decision. Decisions are difficult, but empowering. If you
can’t decide, see a therapist. Therapy can be especially helpful if you
and your partner doesn’t agree whether or not to have a second baby.
Recognize that stopping with a child is also an option.

*Review your decision. He asked me if I wanted a second when
The first one was a baby and I replied, “No way!” A year later, I decided to go
for it. Everything can look different once your little one sleeps
the night. Rest can make you eager for another, or determined to
stop with one!

(c) 2005 Jennifer Bingham Helmet. Reprint rights are granted provided the
article is published in its entirety, including the resource box and its
links.