The Olympic Games program consists of 26 sports, 30 disciplines and nearly 300 events. It is a world event of monumental interest and cultural significance in our world. As such, I would like to formally submit dating/online dating to the International Olympic Committee for consideration as an Olympic sport for the 2012 or 2016 games.

Do you think this is just another stupid idea from your friends in the world of online dating? Consider this:

Olympic sports are governed by International Sports Federations (IFs) which, in turn, are recognized by the International Olympic Committee (IOC) as the world overseers of their respective sports. In layman’s terms, that means the IOC big dog allows the IF little dogs to manage everything locally. Well, that little dog already exists in the world of online dating in the form of reputable online dating websites. That’s right, there are some reputable dating websites that are good enough to be called established “Federations”. These websites may be the world governing body for online dating! That was the first step. Now to convince the IOC that online dating is a sport.

In terms of Olympic competition, think about it, we could categorize the world of online dating into men and women, and then further divide it into specific weight classes, or even personality types within those weight classes. These men and women would then compete with each other physically (through flirting), intellectually (through questions), and visually (physical appearance). It is the perfect combination of a sport. The winning gold medalist will have to spend years in the gym training to be physically healthy, spend years in school or in the library “learning” to become smart, and behind all the brawn and misogynistic intellect, still be stylish in the delivery and presence. The winner of online dating would be the perfect athlete, the Opus Olympian.

Not convinced it works? Maybe your mind will change after reading this:

In October 2004, the IOC established an Olympic Program Commission whose job was to review all existing sports and other unrecognized Olympic sports. In this review, the aim was to apply a systematic and categorized approach to each sport and assess whether or not it met the criteria for inclusion in the Olympic Games as a recognized Olympic sport. This Commission devised seven criteria to judge whether a sport should be included or not.

1) History and tradition of Sport

2) Universality

3) Popularity of the sport

4) Image

5) Health of athletes

6) Development of the International Federation that governs the sport

7) Costs associated with hosting/playing the sport

My friends, the above seven criteria are what a sport or discipline must meet to be considered for inclusion in the Olympic Games. Period.

Does Online Dating Meet These 7 Criteria? Let’s find out:

1) History and Tradition – Check! Courtship is the oldest tradition on the planet that existed before any of today’s Olympic sports.

2) Universality – Check! I’m pretty sure dating and the sport of interpersonal communication and moderation have universal appeal. I mean, we do it every day!

3) Popularity of the sport – Check! I’d say dating was pretty popular. You would not do that? Everybody does it. Even animals. I don’t see penguins playing soccer or baseball, but I do see them hanging out.

4) Image – Check! Dating is all about attracting and reflecting a positive and beautiful self-image. Those who participate in the sport of dating exude the highest level of image compared to any sports image or sports athlete! Who likes dating an unwashed, rude and dirty human being? Puhleeze.

5) Athlete’s Health – Check it out! Dating athletes dating and dating often. As such, they take their own personal health very seriously. Education about sexually transmitted diseases begins at an early age, and practicing safe sex to maintain good sexual health is part of the daily routine for those who date.

6) Development for International Federation that governs the sport: Query! The International Federation of Online Dating, a reputable dating website, would greatly benefit from online dating being included in the Olympics.

7) Low cost of celebrating the sport: Check it out! How much does it cost to look at the person next to you and start a conversation?

In conclusion, online dating meets all the criteria for inclusion as an Olympic sport, in many ways better than existing Olympic sports. Consider Curling – Who Are You Helping? What about fencing? Serious people…how the hell is he going to benefit people or project a good image of himself by hitting someone with a piece of wire? Give me a break.

So, without further ado, I would like to formally submit online dating to the International Olympic Committee for consideration and recognition as a recognized Olympic sport in the year 2012 or 2016… or even 2020. I’m not picky.

Thank you so much.