Narcissists have an exaggerated image of themselves and require constant feedback to justify their perceived omnipotence. They refuse to accept blame, will manipulate people and events for their own selfish ends, and will react with anger when their omnipotence is questioned or threatened. It is estimated that less than one percent of the population suffers from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). The majority of narcissists, around 75 percent, are men. With a world population of approximately 6.5 billion people, around 16,250,000 narcissists are women. I had the unpleasant experience of working for one of them. I found it hard to reconcile in my mind how this woman could be outgoing and affable outside of the office and be uncaring, demanding and hard to please when she wasn’t surrounded by an adoring and fawning public until I discovered the definition of NPD about a year ago.

A narcissist requires excessive admiration and will put themselves in a position to receive it. Narcissists are experts at making people admire them. Time and time again I witnessed people fall under the spell of this woman’s exuberant, grandiose stories of success, achievement, unmatched brilliance, and self-confidence. Typical of a narcissist, he is adept at making himself the center of attention in any circumstance and can be quite charming. Early in my exposure to her, I too fell under her spell. I was in awe of someone she demanded and received favorable priority treatment from everyone. Through my association with her I have met television personalities and national government figures. I also heard her curse and ridicule those same people when they didn’t take the opportunity to do her bidding. When a TV personality’s schedule didn’t allow her to reappear at our national conference, she was referred to as a trimmed little jerk who’s more concerned with her TV ratings than helping the law enforcement profession. When the attorney general refused to take her grant application up the chain of command and pressure it into approval, he was called a yes-Mexican man with no backbone.

Narcissists display arrogant and haughty attitudes along with rage when contradicted or questioned. My initial first-hand experience with this occurred when, over a friendly after-work drink, our boss asked a co-worker and me what we needed to change to make the office run better. Naively believing that she really wanted our opinion, we told her. Unbeknownst to us, our observations and recommendations of her were perceived as critical of her. Narcissists do not accept blame or admit mistakes; what is wrong is someone else’s fault. Narcissists are easily offended and hold grudges. She controlled her anger that night, but my coworker and I were assaulted by her for the next two months as we bore the brunt of her rudeness, impossible demands, and constant unwarranted criticism of her.

Time and time again I witnessed new hires tire of the constant barrage of boasting and arrogance as they began to need and demand real guidance and supervision. Narcissists will sacrifice likes for admiration and are of little use to those who are no longer enthralled. Narcissistic bosses are prone to tantrums, especially if a subordinate displays abilities that may dwarf the boss’s abilities or indicate some independent thinking. Narcissists do not acknowledge the contributions of others. More than one employee has commented on more than one occasion that a simple “thank you” or “well done” would be a welcome respite from the turbulent office environment. She constantly criticizes employees behind their backs to other employees to ensure that those who do a good job receive little respect from their coworkers.

Narcissists will manipulate people and events to make themselves look good. I have never met a schemer as skilled as this woman. From pitting employees against each other to rewriting history, this woman is an expert at manipulation. Anyone who questions her motives or contradicts her memories will suffer her wrath. Typical of a narcissist, she is so adept at using people to achieve her personal desires that the person doesn’t realize she is being used. A typical example of this is her penchant for hiring totally incompetent people for the job. She sets them up for failure so she can later put them down for their inabilities. She also hires people who are not only unqualified but also have personal problems. Past employees have included pregnant and unmarried women, people with a history of substance abuse, and the emotionally challenged. Those employees were grateful to be “rescued” and provided the adoration and adoration a narcissist craves. They were all totally shocked when, several months after they were hired, he no longer required their particular brand of adoration and he fired them for their incompetence. Narcissists are socially maladjusted, constantly changing the rules and introducing new variables. Employees of a narcissist never have a clear idea of ​​what is expected of them because expectations are constantly changing. My coworkers and I refer to the constantly turbulent office environment as “mood of the moment” management.

Narcissists are great actors. A narcissist can seem like the perfect manager, misleading those he reports to while treating employees more like robots than human beings, setting unrealistic goals, and speaking down to them. The narcissist uses subtle brainwashing and control techniques to keep employees in their place of subservience while appearing to be a fair, caring, and competent manager to others. Last year, a member of the board of directors, one of the “worshipping worshipers,” left that position and became an employee. She quit after just six months, disillusioned and disappointed after seeing for herself what this woman is really like as a boss and learning that this narcissist is pretending to act for her board of directors. Her ability to conspire and manipulate ensures that the only people serving on the board of directors are flexible and naive worshipers.

A narcissist thrives in a position of authority. His minions provide an endless supply of the awe, fear, admiration, adoration, and obedience required. An employee who does not provide this necessary fodder is soon devalued by the narcissistic boss. This also fuels the narcissist’s need to show the world how he should handle everything because he can’t depend on anyone. When this woman goes off on a tangent complaining that she has to run all nine desks because the employees are so incompetent, several of us comment that she’s back on the cross. One article I read described a narcissistic leader as a freakishly inverted Jesus who believes he is sacrificing his life because no one else may be qualified to do the job.

It is difficult to identify a narcissist. It took me over twelve years to identify the underlying cause of this woman’s erratic behavior. Narcissists can be fascinating personalities. Only on close observation does it become apparent that the narcissist is selfish, self-absorbed, defensive, emotionally needy, and willing to go above and beyond to achieve her goals. Due to the instability of the situation and the constant high tension and resulting stress, it is not uncommon for employees of narcissistic hits to develop high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, gastrointestinal problems, post-traumatic stress symptoms, and other illnesses. For almost fourteen years I watched my coworkers develop one or the other of these conditions. Narcissists will never admit they have a problem or willingly seek treatment, and the behavior seems to get worse over time. I eventually learned to play the game with her to keep the peace until I could get away from her emotionally unhealthy work environment.

Sources:

http://www.census.gov/ipc/www/popclockworld.html

http://psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-20051209-000005&page=1

http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/Personality_Disorders/narcissism/faq11.html

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=38103

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/medicalnews.php?newsid=12599

http://www.focusas.com/PersonalityDisorders.html