1. Artificial hormones are harder on my body than normal ones. More nausea, more pregnancy-like symptoms don’t necessarily mean you’re pregnant. So I had to learn to wait on God, not on my body. but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not tire, they will walk and not tire. Isaiah 40:31

2. Getting pregnant did not bring joy. Getting pregnant brought more anxiety about whether she would have an abortion and how much longer she would have to take injections. I had to find my joy in God alone. “Do not be sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10b

3. Artificially stimulated DAMAGED ovaries. My physical pain echoed my emotional and spiritual pain. It cost me that getting pregnant was natural, but for me it was not. I learned to trust God, even though his “… thoughts of him are not [my] thoughts, neither [my] shapes [His] paths… As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are [His] much higher than [my] ways and [His] thoughts that [my] thought.” Isaiah 55:8-9

4. Loss, loss and more loss. W number of eggs is not equal to W number of fertilized eggs. X number of fertilized eggs is not equal to X number of embryos. Y number of embryos was not equal to Y number of mature embryos capable of being transferred. Z number of embryos mature enough to transfer was not equal to Z number of pregnancies or babies to hold in your arms. Loss is inevitable, and it’s hard. I had to learn to give our embryos (my husband and mine) to God and trust him to fulfill his promise to all of us. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” Jeremiah 29:11

5. Artificial hormones take being hormonal to new lows. He had never experienced any real mood swings until IVF. Tears one moment, laughter the next. I had to remind myself that my heart and emotions often try to tell my brain lies. “The heart is more deceitful than all things and beyond all cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9 So I had to learn the lesson from 2 Corinthians 10:5, “…we take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ.” I had to tell my emotions the truth of God’s word.

6. Part of my heart was in the freezer for four years. God is clear in his word that He loves the unborn. Psalm 139 tells us how it weaves babies together. Since life occurs at conception, I had babies in a freezer two and a half hours from my house for four years. The day I brought home our last embryos I was seasick. A weight was lifted. I was sorry for the babies I never held in my arms, but at least I was able to hold them all in my womb. Jeremiah 1:5 helped me rest in God during those difficult times. He says: “Before I formed you in the womb [or petri dish] I met you, before you were born I set you apart…” God had a plan for those precious babies. I was able to be a part of it. I don’t understand everything, but I learned to trust His plan. .

7. Telling others was a double-edged sword. IVF is a mystery to most people. When you mention it, there are many details that people want to know and understand. In order to explain, you must share difficult stories. Then, if the cycle is unsuccessful, you must tell everyone that you are not pregnant. However, there is also a group of people who pray to you every step of the way. They encourage you, sometimes while putting their feet in their mouths, but it is worth the pain that they hold you in prayer. James 5:16 says, “…pray for one another that you may be healed. The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective.”

8. There was pain in the excitement and possibility. He was excited about the possibilities that IVF offered. I can get pregnant! However, I mourned the loss of getting pregnant the easy way. I learned that hurt and joy often go hand in hand. That is not a new concept. Hebrews 12:2-3 says, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne . of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you do not tire or lose heart.” Jesus for the joy before Him endured the cross and did it so that I do not tire! Jesus knew the injury and the pain, but he willingly went to the cross for the joy. If Jesus did it for me, then I can do it for the possibility of having children.

9. Loneliness is a lie. The stark statistics are that 1 in 6 couples experience infertility. The most recent statistics from the CDC say that 7.3 million women in the US went to their health care providers for infertility problems. Not everyone used IVF, but WE ARE NOT ALONE. The woman with three children in her church may have used IVF. Maybe that sweet couple is longing for children and has failed multiple IVF attempts. Satan will try to make you feel isolated, alone. We have to remember “The Lord himself goes before you and he will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not fear, do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

10. IVF changed me forever. I always thought that IVF would be a tool to have more children and then discard it. I would leave it in my past and continue life as if IVF had never entered. Instead, I have discovered that I have changed forever. I am not the same woman I was before IVF, I am better, I am different, I am more compassionate. God used this experience to teach me to say no to myself, to my desires, to my plans, and to say yes to Him, to his desires, to his plans. Just as Jesus prayed in the garden, “…not my will, but yours be done.” I learned to say no to myself and yes to Him no matter the cost.