Once upon a time, about ten or twenty years ago, people believed that it was essential to be in the moment. In fact, people thought that the closer you lived to the present, the more in touch with your senses you were. They truly believed that life was fleeting and therefore to experience life to the fullest it was necessary to experience all the sensory stimuli that occur around you.

That curious notion today is ancient history. Being in the moment is a thing of our past, filed away as impractical and counterproductive. Today the moment is lost for the transformative vagaries of the Blackberry, iPod and the ubiquitous cell phone. We write, talk, and get distracted as we go about our daily lives. We cannot drink a cup of coffee, or walk down the street without an electronic device that dilutes the atmosphere.

We have stopped paying attention to our surroundings. When you stop paying attention to your surroundings, you stop paying attention to all the big and small things that make up our lives. We are denying ourselves the experience. We no longer stop living in the moment; It is arguably difficult for most of us to even define what actually constitutes that moment and how it affects our lives.

So if this is the case, how do we define a satisfying experience? Can we really say that we are immersed in our environment if we are texting or talking to someone on our cell phone? Not really. Certainly there are important calls and business calls, but aren’t most calls the result of our inability to deal with our loneliness?

How did this happen? Is it our love and infatuation with our relatively new electronic devices that led us to a new dimension of consciousness? Maybe there are more. It may be that the pressures of the modern world have accumulated to uncontrollable proportions. Perhaps it is the anxiety of silence or the fear of spontaneity that has us clinging to our mobile phones. Like ostriches, we sink our heads in the sand by resorting to the predictable assurance of a familiar voice or text on a screen.

Or maybe there are better reasons than risk aversion. The world is not just a scary place; it also breeds banality and repetition. The last thing most of us need is more banality and repetition, so we dive into our electronics to avoid it. But by avoiding the downsides of life in the present, we can also deny the magic that happens through observation and interaction. When we turn our backs on fate and serendipity, we trade the possibility of something wonderful happening for a boring and predictable routine. We leave it to the movies to cultivate our fantasies. We believe that we will never find our lover on the street, so why bother looking? It is easier to join an internet forum or online dating service and call them by category. It’s boring, but it’s easy. Why look up when it’s easier to look the other way?

Assessing quality and value means paying attention. You have to study things. But obviously when we’re busy with your electronic distractions, we don’t really pay attention. It’s like the people we all know who travel to an exotic place rich in architectural and cultural wonders, and the best they can do is tell you about the food.

Instead of really understanding the difference between quality and junk, we rely on marketing and branding. It is through the purchase of labels and not the necessary quality that we express our desire for the better things in life. We do not make decisions about what we buy, wear, eat or drive, based on craftsmanship and quality of design and engineering as much as perceived condition and branding. We let others tell us what is good or right for us, and then we wonder why we are frustrated and disappointed. Unfortunately, we often choose our lovers and enter into relationships on the same basis.

Despite our best efforts to distract ourselves from living in the present, we cannot completely avoid real human contact. We still recognize that underlying chemistry is at least part of the cause of attraction to others. We talk about pheromones and vibrations and our sexual response to certain intangibles. However, despite our instincts, we avoid diversity and variety in favor of niche categories. We overlook the subtle distinctions that make someone unique. Instead, we look for the behavior that makes them the same, that makes them easy to define through generic slogans and simple jargon. We feel comfortable when we can pigeonhole the world and classify our lovers by assigning them to rudimentary categories.

With this as the modern baseline for how we judge things, you have to ask yourself if you really know the people you’re thinking of dating. Of course you know them based on niche and preconceptions. They told you things about themselves, either by email or on the phone, perhaps over coffee or a speed dating session. They told you about their tastes in food, clothing, fashion, and what they do for a living. But do you really know them? Judging by the way we let ourselves be distracted from the moment, you probably don’t know them as well as you think.

The reason would stand if you don’t really pay attention, then you are missing the telltale signs of behavior. Telltale signs can go in any direction. They can direct you to opportunities or reveal hidden dangers. If it’s an opportunity, you lose it. If it’s danger, you better be careful.

This may be the reason singles are using background checks to research their potential lover’s history. Considering the reduced time to meet and evaluate, this seems like the smart thing to do. Otherwise, how do you know who you are actually meeting online? Are they really who they say they are? If you are a single parent and dating online or through speed dating agencies or services, you better make sure that Mr. Wonderful does not prefer your children to you.

So, at the very least, protect yourself from your own inattention. Since you haven’t really been paying attention, when you meet someone you find interesting, before you start dating, ask for a background check. It’s always good to know if you’re about to date Jumping Jack Flash or Jack the Ripper. A background check won’t tell you everything, but it will help you decide if they really are who they say they are. Hey, just think of it as a brand.