Male chastity contracts: do you need one? They are useful? What needs to go in one if you decide to have one?

All typical of the questions I get about them.

The thing is, there is no “correct” answer, except the one that works for both of you.

John, my husband, and I had one for a while, but for various reasons it fell by the wayside, because John gave me full control, which means it can be summed up in just two words: “Sarah Decides.”

But other than that, are male chastity contracts necessary?

And again, I don’t know.

As always, it depends on the individuals in a given relationship and what they want and expect from it.

If we put its utility aside for a moment, I can see the attraction of one, especially for a man, because it formalizes the delivery of his orgasm and in that sense adds another layer of fantasy to the game.

You can laugh (and probably will if the idea of ​​a contract doesn’t resonate with you), but it’s almost like having a “law” that your wife or girlfriend can “enforce.”

Don’t underestimate the power of a male chastity contract to excite and excite your man.

But they also have real utility, especially in the early days of the game, when perhaps the woman (in particular) isn’t sure of herself: she has a mutually agreed upon (almost) objective set of rules that she can use to guide her own responses. . and actions, which can be particularly helpful when she is having some difficult emotional reactions to her man’s apparent discomfort, anguish, and sexual needs.

However, I found that after a while, it maybe becomes unnecessary and even restrictive. You find yourself having to break or modify the contract (unless you write it to allow for broad discretionary powers in the first place). Again, there is nothing wrong with this and for some people it will work fabulously and even increase their pleasure.

My gut, and I stress that I tend to try not to think with my gut because it’s a notoriously bad thinker in all of us, is generally going to be used more commonly where there’s an element of dominance and submission.

It just has that kind of flavor, and I know this won’t always be the case because John and I have one, but we’re not into the BDSM element at all.

And of course, some people are against the idea of ​​a male chastity contract. They feel it is too restrictive and limits a woman’s options, and if she is in control of her, why is she limited by contract?

Again, I agree. Hence my comments about how ours has been largely forgotten and can be summed up in those two wonderful words I mentioned: “Sarah Decides.”

Ultimately it just depends on what you want and how you feel about it. If you want a male chastity contract, have one. If you are worried about what to put in it and looking for the “right way” to do it, then you are already falling into the trap set for you by the Chastity Taliban.

It’s your contract and it governs how you and your partner will interact with each other, so you write it the way you want. I know some people like it to read like it was written by a lawyer, full of words like so far, then, and part one of part two, and though I think it’s a bit silly (I think it’s silly in contracts real, too, because there’s no reason not to write legal documents in plain language), it’s entirely up to you.

What I do warn you (men and women, but especially men) about is simply writing one and dropping it in front of your partner, thinking that this will count as a “soft introduction” to your desire to play this kinky game.

I promise you, you will almost certainly not get the answer you want. For one thing, your male chastity contract will probably be seen as a list of demands, and if this is the first thing you’ve heard about it, you’re going to be pretty weird about it. In law, a contract must meet three criteria before it can be considered legally binding: it must have full disclosure, consideration, and consent.

So discuss the terms and give her (or him) time to think things through.

Oh, what a surprise… we’re talking about the need for a lot of open, honest, and clear communication again.

How boring!

But you can not neglect the basic rules.

Virtually without exception, every time I get an email from someone who has run into practical and emotional problems playing the chastity game with their wives it’s because they didn’t take the time to get the ground rules right, so every one of them is not quite adequate. sure of what the other wants or expects.

I guess if you’re going to play this game, you’re going to want to play it in a way that you both enjoy, right?