Throughout human history, mother-child relationships have been considered special. Many women say that having a child gives them a sense of fulfillment. One woman said: “It is as if through him I had found the part that I was missing.”

Patriarchal societies value children more. Sometimes “male child focus” can become obsessive. In India, special rituals are performed to invoke divine intervention in the bestowal of a child. Children must maintain the lineage, care for parents in their old age, and ensure the salvation of souls after death. As such, children receive preferential treatment, with the best food, medical care, education and protection. This “preference for male children” has led to widespread female feticide in several countries, resulting in a skewed sex ratio.

Researchers at the University of Richmond in Virginia found that women develop a set of “maternal neurons” that function as “bad mother” or “good mother” switches in the brain. These groups of brain cells that are created during pregnancy and turn on after birth are responsible for good or bad parenting. It is necessary to activate a certain number of neurons for a “good motherhood” to take place.

A team at Yale University uses brain scans to study areas of the brain that drive good or bad motherhood. Dr. James Swain says, “We have identified certain areas of the brain where there is a link between neural activity and the measure of ‘adequate’ or ‘inadequate’ parenting.”

So far no one has given a scientific explanation for why a mother loves her son more than her daughter. Evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins in his book “The Selfish Gene” suggests that this maternal devotion is a selfish strategy to ensure that your genes continue to live. It knows that after a certain age it cannot reproduce. So he protects his male offspring, as he will eventually spread his gene pool.

When a mother has this protective love for her child, she becomes fiercely protective of his life, crippling his emotional growth and tying him to the strings of her apron as ‘Mommy’s Boy’. This tendency has been documented even since biblical times in the story of Rebekah, who encouraged her favorite son Jacob to steal his brother’s blessing through impersonation. But she had to suffer anguish since he was separated from her for many years, to protect him from Esau’s fury.

The Greek mother Thetis submerged her son Achilles in the magical river Styx, to make him invulnerable. But of course it left him with an unprotected heel.

Like mother-daughter relationships, close mother-child relationships are important in the early formative years. Babies begin to show distress when separated from their mothers. But every mother should keep in mind that this is only a temporary phase. Physical distancing must begin early in the case of a child due to the erotic potential of such a bond. Mollycoddling is detrimental to the emotional health of both mother and child.

The Oedipus complex is a well-known phenomenon. It is based on the Greek myth in which Oedipus considers his father a rival for his mother’s love. So he kills him and marries his mother Jocasta.

The period between 18 months and three years is when a child becomes aware of his own sexual identity. You develop a concept of yourself by exploring your own body. Libidinal and ego development takes place between the ages of three and five. This can well be defined as the Oedipus phase, when a child has the desire to possess his mother and even begins to see his father as an opponent. This is a passing phase, and a wise mother will gradually push you away from those feelings until you begin to identify with your father.

Reasons for a mother’s abnormal feelings:

• When a mother has experienced the abandonment of her father in her own childhood, she can be overprotective of her child, to compensate for those feelings of abandonment. You want your child to remain in this oedipal phase for his own fulfillment. Children cannot be spouses or surrogate parents; neither are they toys for your pleasure.

There are many great men who have suffered due to this overprotection. Andrew Carnegie’s mother made him promise that he would not marry until she died. It must have been a frustrating experience. He finally married a year after his death, at the age of 52.

Dwight Eisenhower also had an obsessive mother. Once when he was quarantined for scarlet fever, she used a ladder to climb up and see her son every day through a window.

However, a mother who is abandoned by her father in childhood may also experience bonding difficulties and become abusive towards her child.

• If her husband does not meet the emotional needs of a wife, whether due to career, inconsiderate nature, or infidelity, she may turn to her son. She can shower him with kisses or hugs or verbal professions of love. This form of “emotional incest” seeks to alienate the father from the love of his son. Real incest is not ruled out.

• Single or widowed parents can also show indulgence and overprotection of their male children, to compensate for the lack of a father.

Destructive effects of such dysfunctional relationships:

About the child:

1. Excessive dependence on the mother leads to delayed emotional and mental growth. He cannot cope with life’s challenges, he has behavioral problems and is often considered a ‘sissy’. The mother does not want her son to grow up and plans to maintain their relationship exclusively.

2. Inability to maintain healthy relationships with others. This can even harm your sexuality and destroy your ability to have a happy partner. It will avoid compromise. If you get married, you may end up in divorce due to constant interference from your mother. He will not have the courage to stand up to her and protect his wife from her mother’s constant harassment.

3. A manipulative seductive mother and a passive distant father can turn the child into a homosexual.

4. Stifling love can be a dangerous castrating attachment, rendering the child sexually dysfunctional.

About Mother:

1. A woman who transfers her time and priority to her son will lose her husband. There will be a lack of intimacy and many sexual problems. Your husband will start looking elsewhere for his fulfillment. You could become a workaholic or forge extramarital ties or indulge in drinking or gambling.

2. A mother whose life revolves around her son falls asleep with the subconscious assurance that he will never leave her.

3. An incestuous relationship may develop. Inappropriate feelings toward your child are a form of child abuse and can be demoralizing.

How to maintain a healthy mother-child relationship:

• Respect your child’s personality. Treat him with deep respect and help him develop his personality.

• Raise your child to be a well-balanced human being mentally, physically, and spiritually. The ‘suffocating love’ kills. So don’t get too clingy.

• Set healthy boundaries and know when to physically distance yourself.

• Parenting is a joint venture. Parents should not be excluded from the relationship. They, too, must be allowed to bond with their children. Parents’ responsibilities imply endowing them with strategies for life such as respect for the elderly, respect for the opposite sex, discipline, love and good example. The goal should be to promote maturity, independence and self-reliance in adulthood.

• Don’t neglect your husband. Take time off from motherhood to “hang out” with him. Talk, take care and be intimate. Let your love for each other grow as you share the responsibility for your upbringing.

• Be a good and worthy role model. Let him learn from you how to respect and treat your wife when you marry.

• Always remember that the child is not your husband. So don’t impose the responsibilities of an adult on him.

• Change your focus. Take some time to tend to the needs of your other children. Find new activities so you don’t think about your child.

• Pray and ask God to give you the wisdom to handle your emotions with responsibility and self-respect.

As the feminist Naomi Lewinsky put it, “We shouldn’t need our children. We shouldn’t merge with them except as babies. We shouldn’t allow our confused feelings to seep through our children’s development. We should raise them to become individuals. separated “.