Almost every reader who comes to my blog has one goal: to save their marriages and eventually to get their husbands back under the same roof. They are understandably scared, very excited, and unsure what tactic to take for fear that making significant changes will make things worse. But I have to tell you that I have seen this scenario countless times. I have seen it work very badly and end in divorce and I have seen it go smoothly as couples reconcile with both equally committed to fixing things. I see common trends in both winning and losing plans. I will discuss both in the next article.

Change your goal from attract to validate: When I hear wives say that they want to “attract” their husband’s back, sometimes I want to feel ashamed. This phase carries very negative connotations, almost as if your husband were a fish or some other animal that needs some “bait” to follow the trail involuntarily and unconsciously. This is really very degrading for both of us.

Instead, it is better to take another tactic so that he wants to go home or reconcile. And often the best way to do that is to not play such obvious games or “prime” it. Think about it for a second. Let’s say there was something you weren’t willing to do. Would you like someone to try to manipulate you into changing your mind, simply for their own benefit? Of course not.

But, would you respond better to someone who validates you and wants to help? Probably. This is the real key. To make it receptive to return, you must have repetitive access to it. And, during this access, you must change your perception of how things are. But you can’t do this if he doesn’t think you own his side. He must understand that you agree that the marriage needs serious reform and that you want to help him achieve it.

This sounds simple and straightforward, but it requires a bit of finesse. You have to appear sincere and strong. This can be difficult when you are full of anxiety and fear that your marriage is ending, but for him to respect you enough to commit to making things work, you have to respect yourself enough not to always be the second-rate citizen. class in marriage.

Appearances are everything: When I say this, I don’t necessarily mean your physical appearance. What I mean is how you project yourself and your abilities and attributes right now. We have all been in relationships that end. Sometimes, we are the ones who want to go out. But ask yourself this. Is your ex more attractive to you when you see him with dark circles, slumped shoulders, and wrinkled clothes? Sure, you may feel sorry for them and you may feel a bit guilty, but both are negative emotions that will only whisper in your ear that you were right to escape. You cannot allow your husband to feel this way. You want him to look at you and think that maybe he has acted too fast because he likes what he sees.

So, as tempting as it may be, don’t let your despair show up on your appearance. Never show up with faded sweatpants and raggedy hair. When you look like you just got out of bed because you did. But he must not know this. He must see that you are the capable, exciting and busy woman he first fell in love with, and he must feel sorry for letting you go.

Now if you moved, you probably don’t have immediate access to it. So, seeing you is going to take some planning. Mutual friends work very well for this. They can easily filter what you are telling them. Or you can go quickly where you know you are going to be. (Don’t stay unless he gets close to you). You don’t want to be too obvious about this and you want to let a reasonable amount of time go by so that you are okay and you are not going to let the cat out of the bag before the first word is out of its mouth.

Use this time to your advantage. Get a makeover. Do those things you’ve been putting off. Reconnect with your friends. Don’t get depressed and stick to happiness only when he’s around. Be visible. Be the best woman you can be and make sure this gives her back.

What you know no one else does: In truth, you have an advantage that you probably haven’t used. You know this man very intimately. You know what he likes and what he doesn’t. You know what motivates him and what sets him back. You know exactly what it takes to get your heart to beat a little faster. So, use what you know. You meet the woman you first fell in love with, because she is in your own skin.

Now if you’ve turned your back on this woman for some time, you’ll have to be careful here. A 180 degree turn will look suspicious at first. So don’t be too harsh. But, extract the attributes that are still yours and are still attractive. Confidence in a woman is one of the first things a man will find attractive.

In truth, men are tremendously attractive to women who don’t necessarily need them, but who love them, understand them, and take the time to appreciate and interact in a way that excites both people. So no, you don’t need to look like Megan Fox or Angelina Jolie. But, you need to restore and show your enthusiasm and open heart.

And you have to make sure your husband knows that the woman he couldn’t live without is still around, is still potentially receptive, and that he knows he doesn’t really have to live without her.