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Grieving – An Essential Life Skill

Grief is an essential life skill: Knowing how to survive grief means feeling safe to take another risk, and grief actually expands the capacity to love. The longer you live, the more you need to understand grief. The expression of grievance and respect for your loved ones is very important to the grieving process. A symbol of grievance for the loss of a person reminds us all of our grievance for any person we lost. Understand the stages of grievance, so you won’t be surprised or worried as each stage progresses.


Grievance is an organic process, it has its own wisdom and needs a witness. There is nothing you can do about the loss, so the hurt, anger, and frustration you feel are normal reactions to the circumstances. So you go through the stages of grievance: shock, anger, searching, depression, and peace. It is normal to feel fear and anger about what happened, a need for prayer and comfort, episodes of being overwhelmed, exhausted, disconnected and depressed, and finally acceptance and understanding that this devastating event is part of risky life. all humans live. These feelings will come scrambled, they will be recycled and they will come in a different order.

Anniversaries are very important in the grieving process. Every time an anniversary rolls around, the survivors re-experience the original loss. The first year of grieving is the hardest, because it presents you with anniversaries and/or holidays all year long and each one is the first time without your loved one. The second year is a bit easier, because you have survived each anniversary once. The actual anniversary of the event is the day that marked the change in your life, so for most people it is still significant. Marking the anniversary of your loss with a ceremonial event—such as posting on a grievance site, visiting a memorial or special place, or getting together with friends and family—helps you feel better. It also helps to include a reference to the person you missed on every important occasion, such as wedding anniversaries, religious holidays, and birthdays. Allowing yourself to grieve is very important, because letting feelings out properly prevents them from building up.

Loss of a spouse

Whether the marriage was good or a problem, you will grieve over the loss of a spouse. In a divorce, you grieve over what could have been, what was, and the loss of your hopes and dreams. After the death of a spouse, you are grieving the loss of that most important person in your life: he feels like a giant hole in your heart, in your life and in the middle of everything. Either way, you are likely to go through stages of grievance: denial (when you forget he or she is gone) anger (for being abandoned, for all the things that went wrong, sometimes anger with yourself and with God) experimentation /replacement (trying new things, looking for new friends, a new outfit, hairstyle, or car) depression (really bad days, when you can’t get out of bed or life seems hopeless) and acceptance (bandages come off, you feel complete with and ready to really build your new life.)

Sudden or gradual loss

Grief over losing someone suddenly is different from grief over someone who gradually dies or fades due to brain problems like Alzheimer’s. With sudden loss, there is more shock and the grieving process is delayed. With gradual loss, we grieve for the person who is dying or losing consciousness as the process progresses. The complaint is often completed when the person dies. This is sometimes confusing to survivors.

To do

Take it easy. you will heal Spend time with people you trust. Plan ahead for vacations and anniversaries, so you’re not lonely and miserable. Don’t worry about feeling shy, weak, self-conscious, exhausted, angry…these are all normal parts of grieving and healing. Take good care of yourself: sleep, nutrition, exercise, everything will make you feel better. If you feel like trying something new, that’s fine, but don’t make drastic decisions at the first loss throats. You’re not thinking very clearly, so take a trip, but don’t move around the country. Stay with a friend when you feel lonely, but don’t jump into a new relationship. Also, be careful about financial decisions and your financial future. Do not make any decisions when you feel despair, panic or anger. Wait a bit, until you calm down. If you have to make decisions during this time, rely on good advice from people you trust.

get support

Don’t try to survive this on your own. Ask friends and family for support, or find a grievance group. Many churches and hospitals offer them. If you need more help, do not hesitate to go to therapy. Whether your therapist is helping you work through your grievance, your “abandonment issues,” or simply advising you on building your new life, an objective voice can really help and make a world of difference.

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