It’s hard to come up with activities that will work for my 98 1/2 year old father-in-law. He has severe dementia, can barely hear (he has a cochlear implant and hearing aid), has trouble seeing, and needs a walker to get around. Many resources have been written about activities for people with memory disorders and include crafts, singing, music therapy, dancing, cooking, gardening, carpentry, and walking clubs.

None of these activities work for Dad. We’ve racked our brains to come up with activities that work for him. The things we do with dad take a lot of advance planning and we consider:

MOMENT. It takes Dad several hours to fully wake up and get his mind working. We have found that activities in the afternoon and early evening work best for him.

WEATHER. We check the weather forecast ahead of time and make sure Dad is dressed for the weather and has extra clothes.

MEDICINES. If we’re going to be away for several hours or a day, we order Dad’s medications ahead of time. We make a list of what you take and when you take it.

EXTRA SUPPLIES. As Dad got older, his asthma got worse. We make sure Dad has an inhaler and extra batteries for his hearing aid.

Dad lives in an assisted living home and has four family caregivers. We coordinate our plans on a daily basis and choose activities that match your interest in nature. Last summer we took Dad to Lake Pepin, a large place on the Mississippi River. Dad enjoyed the half-hour drive through rolling farmland, watching the sailboats on the river and having lunch at a riverside restaurant. On the way home we stopped at a farm stand and bought fresh raspberries for Dad’s breakfast.

In the fall we take Dad to see a huge wind farm, 25 minutes away by car. A steady wind was blowing and Dad could see the windmills spinning from the car. We drive around the perimeter of the wind farm. “There must be hundreds of windmills!” Exclaimed dad. On the way home we stopped for lunch at a roadside restaurant and Dad ordered his favorite meal: a hot roast beef sandwich dipped in sauce.

Over the holidays we take Dad for a half-hour walk to see the city’s Christmas lights and neighborhood displays. We planned our route in advance so that Dad wouldn’t get too tired. Dad is so frail now that we don’t take him out to dinner, but instead meet him for dinner in the retirement community. Does yours have a memory disease? What activities work best? Even if you have planned well, your loved one may not remember the activities.

Minutes after our excursions, lunches and dinners, Dad has forgotten them. But in that moment, he is really living in the moment, he is happy. Dad always says the same thing: “It’s wonderful to be with my family.” We are lucky to be with him.

Copyright 2006 by Harriet Hodgson