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10 things about the first year of complaints

The first year marks the first time you experience and do everything without the person you have lost. Traditionally, society believed that it gets easier after the first year. Some still believe this today. The truth is that the challenging time after loss is as individual as the mourners themselves. Rely on your own timeline for complaint processing.

1. Shock and numbness

Most likely, the first phase of the injury is spent in numbness from shock. This is a protective way for the body to help it cope with the intensity.

2. Survival

Living through the first phase of the grievance may not seem like survival. It may even seem like no relief to know that other afflicted have walked this path before. You can survive and it takes time and energy.

3. It’s so painful

Just today I was reminded how to deal with pain. Experiencing physical pain today, I stayed in bed all day. Three different types of pain relievers did not change the physical pain they felt. All that was possible was to lie in bed, grab a hot water bottle and breathe, slipping between being awake and sleeping drowsily. Similar to this I remember the physical experience of the wrong.

4. Energy conservation

Three years after my loss; I still feel the need to conserve my energy. In the first year, I remember not being able to go out for anything more than absolutely necessary. It took me a long time to get back into social activities, let alone enjoy them. Take your time.

5. Accept help and find support

In my case, I had no choice but to accept the help that was generously offered. Friends brought meals, organized paperwork, helped with wanderings. Letting them help you also makes them feel like they can at least do something for you.

Also, find the support that’s right for you, whether it’s group counseling, individual therapy, talking to other grieving parents in the community, or talking to a friend. The most important thing, according to suggestions from bereaved parents in a survey, is to do it sooner rather than later.

6. The first year is the hardest

For me, the first 18 to 24 months were tough. The period of time in which the grievance is intense varies from person to person. Your time may be shorter or longer. It doesn’t matter, there is no competition.

7. It’s been a year

It is a myth that some people still believe that after a year the bereaved should be over the worst. Each grieving person suffered differently, each lost person held a different place in people’s hearts. Allow yourself your own time.

8. Friendships will change

Friends become strangers and strangers become friends. Dealing with loss brings up one’s own mortality and existential issues. This can be deeply disconcerting. Some people won’t be able to cope with this or they’ll think you “need time.” Remember that your intention is mostly well-intentioned.

9. Be true to yourself

…even if it means disappointing another. The first year of grievance expends a lot of vital energy. It has required me to focus on the essentials and be true to my needs, more than ever before.

10. Crying is healthy

Crying is a way to release emotional stress. That’s why babies and children do this a lot. As adults, we have unlearned the benefit of taking time for oneself and releasing accumulated emotional stress. Research has shown that tears vary in their composition. Tears of pain are healing.

Anything else you think is important to mention about the first year of the complaint? Leave a comment below.

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